I’ve held a lot back from this blog over the past year. Those who know me well know exactly what I am referring to. It’s been a fine line and tricky in many ways. I am not someone who likes to hide things. But dealing with the impact of social media and what you put on the internet makes it more complicated. There are others to consider. Once we make something public on-line there’s no going back.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and how I handle wanting to be open about myself on my blog but not hurting others at the same time.
If you’ve followed me for some time, you will have been aware of many cryptic status updates earlier in the year. They came at a time I wasn’t coping well with what was going on around me. I’d post a status update in a fit of rage only to remove it later as either I settled down or the person it was directed at fired up.
You see the truth is I ended my marriage after I met someone else. Reality is it would have eventually happened some other way and the reasons why are something I will never expose publicly, but meeting someone else had me analyzing the situation and really thinking about what was right for me. It was not an easy thing to know you are going to devastate someone else because you are seeking your own happiness and fulfillment over theirs. Knowing you are effecting your friends and family and risking losing some of them.
Not that I care anymore what people think but I do need to highlight that I do stand tall and proud that I was upfront with my husband about what was happening. I was unhappy (and he knows its not the first time I’d told him that) and I had met someone I liked. I hadn’t at that time acted on it but I knew it was what I wanted. So the wheels were put in motion.
It is now 9 months since I had that first difficult conversation and we knew it was going to be over. I still worry about him being ok, but I know my choice was the only one for me and in some ways for him. He needed to be free of me to reach his own potential and already I am seeing that play out which makes me immensely proud of him.
Unfortunately the other side has not been so straightforward. The person I met was unhappy too – that’s how we initially connected – open and incredibly honest conversation. I had never before been so comfortable around someone else. So honest and truthful.
What happened on his side was unfortunate and incredibly difficult for everyone involved. I will never share here what eventuated.
I am sad about the damage that took place. I am not a home wrecker as I have been called. I am proud to have had the courage and conviction to remain open and honest with those who are closest to me. The other person involved made his own choices and I continue to be respectful of these.
I am in a good place now. Those who judge are always going to. Those I care about understand.
It’s been interesting to hear a few people close to me who weren’t as surprised as I expected -telling me they never saw any “spark” between Mr T and I. That’s because it wasn’t there. We were best friends and for some that is enough in a marriage but not for me. A life of “what if” is not one I can lead.
I expect more judgement here. It’s only natural when the story remains incomplete. All I can say is the truth has set me free and the rest simply doesn’t matter any more.