I have a stiff drink sitting beside me as I write this.
My eyes are puffy and tired.
I feel empty.
Less than 15 minutes ago I drove out of the driveway of my home for the last time. From tomorrow it will welcome new owners. I hope their time and memories there are longer and sweeter than mine.
I sat in the living room window seat as the tears flowed. As I looked around that huge room and beyond, images flashed before me. Memories of Little T in our family home.
It was meant to be my forever house. In a dream location and a dream suburb for a price that would scare the shit out of most people. The mortgage was huge, but to me the forever home was worth it. Little did I know in less than 12 months we would be handing it over to someone else and paying out the mortgage having sold for much less than we paid for it.
It was my fault. Damned if I did, damned if I didn’t. I couldn’t stay there on my own. It was too much and would have ruined me financially, yet in selling we have lost everything. Timing couldn’t have been worse in terms of what happened in the Melbourne Real Estate market.
I know I feel like the last 15 years of my working life have been for nothing. I have nothing left to show for it, other than some nice clothes and a few stamps in my passport.
My marriage on other the hand was not for nothing. We each have a gorgeous little boy who means the world to us and we both cling to to reinforce that it wasn’t a waste of time.
I am sorry it had to be this way, but there was no other way for me.
I don’t feel like I can ever drive down that street again. It is too painful. Reversing out of the drive, I couldn’t even look back at the house.
My last memory will be seeing the blossoms on the Manchurian pear trees, reminding me it is spring - a sign of new life and beginnings.
Dream house no more………..