We’ve all been there. That moment you are face to face with someone needing to say something really important. You tell yourself you don’t want it to happen, that it won’t be a good look, but as you try with all your might to get the words out and keep a straight face, what come out of your mouth is a quivering mess and your eyes burst open with those tiny drops of tears that turn into a constant stream as you can no longer speak for the sobbing.
You couldn’t hold it together. Oh the shame, the embarrassment. Why is that?
I have always been a crier. What that says about me I am not sure. As a kid, any extreme emotion would bring on tears. Not only did I try it on when things weren’t going my way at home, often storming to my room, slamming the door shut and crying as loud as I could in hope of some sympathy or change of heart, but I also was a great sense of humour to my friends when I laughed so hard my eyes watered.
In my early adult life, I experienced a string of bad relationships. I got used to being let down or perhaps I even encouraged it by seeking the wrong kind of boyfriend. I vividly remember in a few relationships turning to extreme tears in the hope for sympathy. It was the only way I knew to show my hurt and feelings. I was a terrible communicator. Where did I learn that behaviour from?
It’s never taken a lot for me to cry. Does that mean I am weak? Does that mean I am overly emotional or not in control? Even when I know something is not real – like in a movie or TV show, I still cannot stop the tears.
For a while I settled down but after having my son, my emotions charged again. As a mum, we all know how all of a sudden being exposed to sad, tragic or horrific new events where kids and families are involved cuts a raw nerve that we never knew existed in our pre-parenting world.
I wrote last year about an incident at work where I lost control and cried to my boss. I was amazed at the time, the resounding supportive comments it evoked. In hindsight, I have since learned my behavior and over-reaction at that time was a tell-tale sign of depression.
The first half of this year has been a whirlwind for me as I have turned my life upside down, back to front and around again. I have cried about everything I could imagine there was to cry about.
Last night for the first time I can remember I cried tears of joy. I am in a good place right now.
I asked on Facebook “when was the last time you cried?” and was really surprised at the number of responses and variety of reasons. Over 40 women telling me they had cried in the last few days, nearly half that same day and some even in the minutes before I posted my question. The reasons varied and included:
Mothers Day. A whole lot of hype that never lives up to the crap in the Hallmark cards or the ads on the TV.
Friday when my hubby had to go into hospital and I knew I'd be on my own again with 2 babies until god knows when!!
I seem to be a lot lately. I had an ectopic pregnancy removed 3 weeks ago and everything seems to remind me of it
Tonight, realising my marriage is over, and at 23 i am left to solo parent and provide for my 2 kids...
In May at my beautiful friends husband's funeral .... Sobbed like a baby. He was nearly 38 and died of Melanoma. Such a waste of a young life! And of course I can't being to imagine how my poor friend is feeling :-(
This afternoon and probs again tonight when I go to bed. Men are jerks.
Yesterday, had a bit of a tantie when it seemed all I did was clean up all day and no one seemed to care or appreciate it.< Last night and this morning because my husband leaving to QLD for work .. I feel like a single mum with 4 kids , its gonna be hard.
About 5 minutes ago. Just to my partner about the stresses that worry me about being pregnant with twins and how will we be financially.
Yesterday, for no good reason, just felt melancholy... Bit silly...
This morning - my baby started school today!! Big moment in our house xx
On Friday. After nasty tailgating experience on the motorway. My 2.5yo said "please don't cry Mummy!"
It reinforced to me just how much we are not alone in being emotional. How everyone is fighting their own battles. Some silently, others not so. We all do it in our own way. We are all moved by different things and so many of the same things.
Whilst in my opinion, society at large associates crying with weakness (and with women in particular), I am hoping my post will spring to mind next time you have any feeling of guilt or embarrassment at letting yourself cry or not being in control enough to stop it, knowing that especially as mums and parents, this is really just part of what makes us human. Those that truly matter will ALWAYS understand.
When DID you last cry?