This post is one I’ve been procrastinating about.
It’s the story of Muddled Up Mumma and my blogging journey.
What a ride it’s been. I feel like I have lived 10 years in the past 2.
It’s as though I’ve been on a trip of self discovery and awareness and out the back of it all I have found the old Jodie again.
I started this little blog back on January 1st 2010. It was the start of a new year and what I thought was going to be the best time of my life. I was 4 months pregnant and thought my blog was going to be a journal of my pregnancy and first child –something I would proudly share with my geographically scattered friends and family.
Gradually a few key things happened. After the arrival of Little T in May 2005, I found I didn’t love motherhood nearly as much as I had expected. It was tough going. A daily grind. A battle to breastfeed. A sense of feeling drab, lost in my own body. A loss of a sense of being sexy. A loss of old friends. A struggle to come to terms with a traumatic birth and the effect it had on my body and mind. A disconnect in the relationship with my husband and a longing to bond with my son in a way that seemed to come so naturally for other women. Overwhelmingly I experience a sense of loneliness.
As I started to write about some of this I began to learn.
I learned about the power of blogging as a means for self help, learning and friendship.
As more people read and connected with much of what I said, the light bulb moments started to kick in.
I sought help in many ways. I grew closer to my own mother as she too read and understood where I was at.
I admitted I wasn’t coping and realised that how I was behaving wasn’t actually normal and I could get treatment for what I now know was Depression.
I made new friends. Some I have never met face to face, many I have and see regularly.
Recently I made the decision to walk away from my marriage. Believe it or not this is something I am proud of. I am proud I had the courage to seek change. To do what I knew would make me happy and ultimately a better Mum to Little T.
Blogging like, life and Motherhood is all about the journey not the destination. So often the destination is never as great as it’s cracked up to be or we have built it up as. Especially when along the way we haven’t actually appreciated how we came to get there and what we have learned or experienced in transit.
Is my blogging journey any different to everyone else’s?
Blogging and connecting via social media has taught me just how unique and special every single person is.
My journey is different because it’s mine.
I stand taller. I am proud of myself. I feel sexy again. I know have great friends and family around and supporting me. I smile often and wider. And most importantly, finally I actually love being a mother.
I wrote this post in response to my selection in the Kidspot Top 50 Bloggers of 2012.
I’d love it if you could take the time to spare a vote for me. You might even win the $5000 voting prize up for grabs too.
To vote, just click on the button below.
Reader’s votes along with the judging of this post will put me in the running to win a trip to an amazing blogging conference in New York later this year!