7 years ago today I was getting ready.
Getting ready to have my hair and make-up done.
Getting ready to wear the most expensive dress I had ever bought.
Getting ready to vow in front of my closest friends and family that I would love, honour and cherish a man for the rest of my life.
Technically today is my seventh wedding anniversary, only my marriage is now a legal one.
We never made it to seven years.
I don’t know how to feel today.
Part of my feels sad that I could do this to another person, sad that that I wasn’t able to stick with it. Sorry that we dragged all those people out to a party that in the end meant nothing.
Marriage is meant to be forever after all. Part of me feels like I have failed.
But then I look at that little boy we created and how can that be failure?
He is the reason that it was worthwhile.
I am experiencing mother guilt for a reason I never dreamed would happen.
Every second week now, Little T is with his Dad. It’s important he spends equal time with him.
I miss him terribly every second week. Today more than ever. Yet I feel guilty with the new found freedom that a week on my own brings. I have so much “me” time now, I don’t know what to do with it.
I have been doing ok. But today am quite emotional.
I know tomorrow will lesson the hurt I have caused and am feeling.
And I can’t wait until Wednesday when that Little boy gives me a cuddle and says “hello Mum-Mum”.
(image from here)