Marriage Behind Closed Doors

One thing I have recently learned is that things aren’t always what they seem.

People are funny creatures.

We all strive for the common ideal of happiness and it’s human nature to want to please others. To keep up an appearance of happiness even when deep down it’s not there. 

Sometimes we lie to our family and friends, our loved ones and ourselves all in an attempt to hold together the ideal that we are living the life we wanted.

I believe in marriage. I believe in a life long commitment to another person. A person that compliments you, challenges you, loves you, inspires you, turns you on and shares your values, hopes, dreams and interests.

What I have come to realize in the past few weeks as I finally succumbed to the realization that I need to change my life and walk away from the commitment I made to my husband in front of our friends and family almost seven years ago, is that there are actually many other people out there who have gone through a similar journey or are contemplating taking a similar step. 

Some of these people have really surprised me. By that I mean, people who I would never ever have guessed were going through the inner turmoil that they are or have in the past.

No one really knows what goes on in a marriage unless they are part of it themselves.

In particular a few who are in my close circle whose marriage on the outside appeared to  embody everything that I thought marriage was about. They were my role models on how people look and act when they are happily married.

Part of me feels glad that I am not alone in my feelings and thoughts, but part of me is shattered I as know that for those who have spoken up to me, there are likely more who haven’t.

Reality is the statistics don’t lie and many marriages don’t last. Does that change my idealistic view on marriage itself? Does it mean I won’t ever marry again?

Of course not. I am by nature optimistic. I love to dream albeit with my feet firmly planted on the ground. I believe in love. I also know and understand now there are different kinds of love and we are all shaped by our previous experiences – sometimes we latch on to a hope of what might be rather than what is.

I am truly touched by all the messages I have received in the past 24 hours, in response to my post about separating. Many of those who reached out to me have experienced separation and surprisingly, not one single person told me they regretted making the decision they have. This reassures me.

As I take yet another deep breath, I keep moving forward. Life seems to have sat in sideways motion for sometime. Now I feel the wind in my hair again and couldn’t be happier.

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