At the end of every year we all reflect on what’s just been and remark to one another how fast the year has gone. The media give us flashbacks to notorious events of the previous 12 months – natural disasters, celebrity weddings, sporting achievements, hit songs, headlines and passing of noteworthy people.
Resolutions are made and usually short lived.
For me, this year feels long. It really does feel like I have lived a whole year and it’s taken forever.
I am ready to say goodbye to it.
For me, 2011 will be remembered as the year I lost and found myself.
I sought help to clear the fog and finally gave in to the reality that I had been depressed. Something I never dreamed would happen to me (who does?).
In just a few months after seeking help for my chronic lack of motivation and energy (amongst many other things) I feel like a bear that’s come out of hibernation.
Maybe I will write more about it down the track, but in 2011 one moment stands out for me. It was the night that I sobbed uncontrollably in Mr T’s arms. As he held me and asked what was wrong, I fessed up I had just taken all three of the depression symptoms checklists on the Beyond Blue website and each had come back with the same answer.
It was like I didn’t believe the answer. I thought the test might be wrong and had to try each one to double check.
What was it the little Mumma in my head had said to drive me to the site in the first place?
I knew before I even answered the first question the end result but needed some validation – something external.
As that tightness in my chest, the sense of panic & anxiety, the hopelessness, the worrying and the lack of enjoyment of being lifted, I remembered what it was like to be Jodie Thompson.
I’m not fully “there” yet, but my energy for life is back. I have been exercising, cooking, playing with my family, gardening, organising, making things, cleaning and pulling my weight at home. It may sound simple but these were things I had only done when absolutely necessary for the previous 12 months. I put most things off. I didn’t get enjoyment out of things that in the past I loved to do.
Mr T, bless him – picked up the slack. Something so simple as putting the washing out or in, I wouldn’t do unless I really had to. Lucky I have lots of clothes and can go for a while without washing – this is how i lived.
I am not one for New Year’s resolutions, but I have plans for next year. I am going to make a list and cut myself some slack if I chop and change what is on there or what I do and don’t achieve.
Being grateful, kind and helpful are right up there, along with being focused – and by that I don’t mean anything too fancy, just being mindful – and making sure time is spent wisely – wise time might be relaxing, it might be achieving great things or it might just mean being truly present – something I am way out of practice on.
The rest you will have to check back in next week after I’ve put it together.
Goodbye and good riddance 2011.